DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize