a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
