Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
