omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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