Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
