Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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