So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
