Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Never joke about your clitoris.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
