I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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