and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
