This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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