well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
