I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
