I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
