surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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