so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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