when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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