OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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