things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
