We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
