Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He felt like a one man threesome
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
