Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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