Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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