is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
