I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
