Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
