Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
