my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
