Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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