she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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