would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Two words: nipple clamps
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