Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
