I seem to have left my pride at pride
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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