I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize