I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
