guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
