No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
