Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
