Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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