Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
