I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its not stalking. its research.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
