WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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