I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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