He disabled his match.com account in front of me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
