dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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