The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
