We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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