She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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