I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
