we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
