I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
