Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
