yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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