So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
