Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i came on her dog
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
