I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
