She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize