Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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