who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
