NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
