my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
