Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
