my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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