No stitches, just platelets and will power
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
