If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You ruined the universe
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