she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
