I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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