why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize