Pappa wants mamma naked
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
