you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
