I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize