I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
