My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
