Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
