My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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