I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
