According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
