dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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