I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
