There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
