So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
