I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
