Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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