no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
