Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
