we have officially lost it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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