i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
pray to the hookup gods
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
