I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
