sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
